Why Aren't We Living Our Best Life?

Hello and welcome to this month's blog post!  Today I want to write about why many of us aren’t living our best life and working in the job of our dreams.  Why do we find ourselves stuck in a job or a situation that is unfulfilling, rather than one we love and enjoy from day to day.  I want to give you some things to think about that maybe might just give you a nudge in the right direction towards more fulfilment and satisfaction.
 
Effort and Fear of the Unknown
I think the biggest problem with this is; it’s easier to not do something than it is to do something.  That’s not to say that people are lazy, far from it. But when you are faced with a task or path that is unknown, or there is a lot of effort involved, maybe for a prolonged period of time, it can be scary embarking on a journey that you have no idea how it’s going to turn out.  Fear of the unknown is very real and when something sits outside your comfort zone, it can be very tempting to not branch out and explore the unknown.  
 
'Impostor Syndrome'
The next biggest problem is feeling fraudulent in a particular role, or the thought of being in one. This is known as ‘imposter syndrome’ and it can be crippling.  Dr Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes coined the term in 1978 (Rakestraw 2017) and it is a syndrome that makes us feel like a complete fraud working in a particular position; we imagine that others overestimate our abilities, or that we ended up in the position due to something other than intelligence and/or ability.  We have a completely irrational fear that sooner or later, everyone is going to discover the ‘deception’ and call us out on it.  We don’t even entertain the thought that the only person who thinks we’re an imposter is ourselves. 
 
Fear of Failure
So why don’t we back ourselves?  Why do we play down our strengths and achievements?  There are a number of reasons but a big one is a fear of failure.  We don’t back ourselves because we are scared of failing.  But why are we scared of failing? Well, there are probably quite a few contributing factors but I think the main one is cultural and imposed upon us as kids.  When we’re at school, if we’re wrong, or we fail, we get punished.  I don’t mean just because we get our maths questions wrong we get a detention, but we might get criticised, ostracised, ridiculed and marked down.  We’re made to feel that getting something wrong is bad, despite knowing that, as humans, our best learning comes from making mistakes. Getting something wrong is not viewed as an opportunity for growth, or a teachable moment. Kathryn Schultz does a wonderful TED Talk called ‘On Being Wrong’ and speaks about why being wrong isn’t a bad thing.  You can view it here and I hope you do; it’s a well-presented and thought-provoking talk.
 
We’re embarrassed when we get something wrong and we don’t want to be seen as a failure, because society has told us that failing means you won’t get anywhere in life.  If you don’t get an education it makes it difficult to get a job. If you don’t get high-enough marks you might not get into university.  Some people become perfectionists because they don’t want to be seen as failures, and this can make things worse. Rather than doing an awesome job embarking on a new career path or learning opportunity, the idea that they might fail is so frightening that they are rooted to the spot in fear and don’t actually go anywhere.
 
Money
There is also the issue of money; can we afford to take ourselves on a new career path or learning opportunity if it’s going to cost money?  The overwhelming majority of us are not rich and not in a position where money is no object, we have to be mindful of where and when we spend our hard-earned dollars.  But does that mean you should just not spend money on yourself if a growth opportunity appears? Would you take the opportunity if money wasn’t involved?  Sometimes we find that it’s not actually money that’s the problem but something else, and we’re using the lack of finances as a front, maybe even subconsciously.
 
Time
The last issue I want to mention is time. In this day and age when everyone feels so busy, life is hectic, it just feels like an impossibility to make time for something new.  We think to ourselves “When I’m less busy, I’ll do x, y and z”.  But what do we do if we never get less busy? And when we do have some down-time, all we want to do is collapse in a heap and do nothing.
 
So there are some reasons as to why we aren’t living our best life.  And they are some pretty significant reasons! Does this then mean we’re doomed to be stuck in a rut for the rest of our lives? Not at all. We can move forward, but we have to adjust our mindset a little.
 
There is a saying; “The biggest regrets in life are not the things you did, but the things you didn’t do”.  Remind yourself of this as you cautiously take a step forward, and then another.  Remember that making an effort is harder than not doing anything, but is that effort worth it?  You might not know what’s coming, but will you ever find out if you don’t try? You might fail at what you’re doing, but if you don’t do anything, then you’ve already failed.  If you trip over, pick yourself up and keep going, consistency is the key.  
 
And what if you don’t have time?  If it’s important to you, then you need to make the time.  Schedule some regular time in your diary and turn up as you would any other appointment or commitment.  Community comes in handy here as well, as then you have like-minded people to bounce off and share experiences with.  The same goes for finances; if it’s important to you to take a leap and do something towards what you really want to achieve in life, you’ll find a way to make it work, whether it’s securing a grant or funding, or setting up a payment plan.
 
Anyway, that’s it for this month.  If this resonated with you at all, let me know.  You’re not alone, let’s all keep moving forward, one step at a time, to a more satisfying and fulfilling life.  Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next month.  Bye for now! 

References
Rakestraw, L 2017, ‘How to Stop Feeling Like a Phoney in Your Library: Recognizing the Causes of Impostor Syndrome, and How to Put a Stop to the Cycle’, Law Library Journal, vol. 109:3 [2017-23], pp. 465-477.

On Being Wrong 2011, online video, TED Conferences LLC, New York, written and presented by Kathryn Schulz <https://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong#t-1044012>.